young hearts

Our car died on us on a Monday morning. Hubby suspected battery life is up...well, that is not the main topic of this post. What I wanted to share about is my son's reaction. So, he was allowed a new Disney video to be played on our way, as he was well behaved (woke up early and on his own without fuss). He hopped on to his usual front passenger seat and was all belt-up, ready for the ride, and of course anticipating the video. Not quite sure of what has happened, he cried when I asked him to get out of the car. Daddy told him the car has broken down and boy cried out, "but I want to watch my cartoon". Intuition told me that it's not just that. Then, he has to follow me to hail a cab.

Few minutes into the cab ride, my boy leaned against my arms and asked in a little but serious voice, " Mommy, are we going to change to another car?" "No, it'll be fixed, papa needs to check the battery" I replied. "Where is papa now?" he asked with obvious quiver in his voice, trying to subdue a sob. "Papa is waiting for the tow truck, the car needs to go to the workshop". "Will papa pass by here?" He was wondering if he can catch sight of daddy in the tow truck taking the same route. "No, papa is not taking this way." I answered quietly, wondering to myself what's on his mind. "If our car goes to the workshop, he'll find other friends...." Then it dawned on me, my boy was worried for our broken down car. The story of the cartoon Cars came into my mind, of how Lightning McQueen was lost and down and found some friends along the way. That must have been bugging my boy. I reassured him that the car will be alright and we'll get it back by the evening and distracted him by asking him about breakfast.

I frequently paused and asked myself about being a mom, bringing up my kids and what will they become. Have I done a good job? Am I doing it right? I have always pride myself that I've taught my little toddler son well, about being able to express himself well at a young age. Good interaction with kids should start early, the better he understands and convey, the less misunderstanding and pent up frustrations. Today, I've witnessed with some comfort, that my son is sentimental. This is the first time the car that had brought him daily to preschool failed and I guess he didn't know how to express himself, the only way is to cry. It reminds me of his infant days, where hunger, insecurity and discomfort = cry. If you ask me, I don't miss those days, where I've to decipher and rely on more than 5 senses to tell what's wrong with the newborn. This incident reminded me that no matter how smart and confident my 4 year old child is, there is always a vulnerable side. Use not only the mouth to communicate, ears to listen but also your heart to feel...especially for the young little hearts.

Voices from the heart - for my brother

The blog asingaporeanson is, as most readers feel, inspiring. No doubt about it as I’ve been following it like a keen fan since day 1. My ratings: 10% Envy, 30% Surprise, 60% Sad+Heartpain+Unwilling (I can’t find the best word for the feeling). Every time I click on the link to his blog, I wished he has it updated and it wouldn’t be bad news. Today I read about his First Day of Work with mixed feelings, again. As always, I will remind myself about Why am I here post and that calms me a great deal. No matter how much unwillingness, I don’t have the right to hold him back, not mom not me.

If I may use the help of an analogy to describe what I feel about his move; we may have been the fire torch for some years of his life, just as fuel (mom) and headlights (me) do for Barry White (my bro) but ultimately it’s the GPS that is the most crucial. I’m not even sure if BW has a GPS fitted but my point is the final goal and the direction he’s heading should be determined and set by him. The road maybe bumpy and not an easy one for BW, along the way he may even suffer dents or scratches but as long as there’s fuel (my unborn niece) and a well maintained engine (a happy Jen), I’m sure every day will be a happy drive for BW. Yes, I talk of BW as a man, definitely qualified and a good one too.

So….my bro has found a job and is still going thru the initial and toughest phase of getting the hang of it. Sounds like he has not waivered or lost his determination; wastrel he’s not, I think that’s too strong a word. We don’t get to choose where and when we’re born or how we’re brought up. If he’s a mommy’s boy, he will not make such a choice, making his hands and body ache like that. I read with fear the potential accidents that he may have to battle in his new found job. I don’t know whether one can grow to like such work, but I think one can sure work towards getting used to it. The mind is a powerful tool. Am glad that mom is not IT savvy for once, so she can skip such updates of what her son is going thru. As for me, I take it as my bro going thru another round of NS (tougher but this is for his dreams) and there will be a day where he’ll ORD. Just take it as a life experience, after all how many Bangladeshi workers can afford to drive home after a hard day at work, in a named favorite car? BW reminds me of Bumblebee in Transformers, a true buddy to his owner.

Don’t belittle yourself bro, because it takes lots of courage to move away from comfort zone and start from scratch. I hope readers will be envious of you, for having a supportive family that is truly yours no matter where you are. ..my simple words, 2nd sis.